1. You can enjoy a beer all month. *
2. Beer stains wash out. *
3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer. *
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car. *
5. When beer goes flat you toss it out. *
6. Beer is never late. *
7. hangovers eventually go away. *
8. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer. *
9. Beer labels come off without a fight. *
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer. *
11. Beer never has a headache. *
12. After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime. *
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath. *
14. If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head. *
15. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty. *
16. A beer always goes down gently. *
17. You can share a beer with your friends and enemies. *
18. You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer. *
19. A beer is always wet. *
20. Beer doesn't demand equality. *
21. A beer doesn't care when you come. *
22. You can have a beer in public. *
23. A frigid beer is a good beer. *
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good. *
25. Beer always comes in multiples of six. *
26. Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left. *
27. You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer. *
28. After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle. *
29. A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty. *
30. When your beer is gone, you just pop another. *
31. You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod. *
32. Beer looks the same in the morning. *
33. Beer doesn't look you up in a month. *
34. Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in. *
35. Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids. *
36. Beer doesn't get cramps. *
37. Beer doesn't have a mother. *
38. Beer doesn't have morals. *
39. Beer doesn't go crazy once a month. *
40. Beer always listens and never argues. *
41. Beer labels don't go out of style every year. *
42. Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles. *
43. Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet. *
44. Beer doesn't demand legality. *
45. Beer is never overweight. *
46. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony. *
47. Beer won't run off with your credit cards. *
48. Beer doesn't have a lawyer. *
49. Beer doesn't need much closet space. *
50. Beer can't give your herpes or other nasty things. *
51. Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive. *
52. Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch. *
53. Beer never changes its mind. *
54. Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get. *
55. Beer never asks you to change the station. *
56. Beer doesn't make you go shopping. *
57. Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass. *
58. Beer will never make you go to a Swedish movie. *
59. Beer is always easy to pick up. *
60. Big, fat beers are nice to have. *
61. Beer doesn't pout or play games. *
62. Beer NEVER says no. *
63. Beer is easy to get into. *
64. Beer never complains when you take it somewhere. *
65. Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers. *
66. Beer doesn't wear a bra. *
67. Beer doesn't mind getting dirty. *
68. Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity. *
69. Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper. *
70. Beer doesn't live with its mother. *
71. Beer doesn't blow you off. *
72. Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners. *
73. Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry. *
74. Beer doesn't mind football season. *
75. A beer won't make you go to church. *
76. A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman. *
77. A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit. *
78. A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose". *
79. A beer doesn't give a toss if you keep a bunch of other beers around. *
80. A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute". *
81. If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while. *
82. A beer will not call you a sexist pig *
83. A beer will never make you see its parents *
84. A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads. *
85. A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up. *
86. A beer will never stop you from watching Playboy. *
87. A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt. *
88. A beer won't smoke in your car. *
89. A beer never watchs opera. *
90. A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission. *
91. A beer will never complain when you disobey nature. *
92. A beer is always ready to leave on time. *
93. A beer never fishes for compliments. *
94. Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits. *
95. Beer tastes good. *
96. A beer will never accuse you of rape. *
97. A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watchin *
98. An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it. *
99. A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the store.

Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

*****

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother
tongue.?
Santa: Very long!

*****

Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon.

*****

Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle,
aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

*****

Banta ek sadhu se bola" Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay
batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?

*****

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

*****

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.

*****

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

*****

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call

*****

Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!


*****


Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."

*****

What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi


*****


Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.


*****


Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

*****

Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe
a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash ?"

*****

My wife and I need to exercisemore. Every time we leave the house we notice vultures circling overhead in anticipation and now our washing machine is doing that nasty thing where it shrinks our clothes. So, in a moment of pure inspiration and absolutely no intelligent thought whatsoever, we decide to take up mountain biking. We could remember biking as kids and there was nothing to it. We set out to purchase our bikes with the fond memory of a cool breeze gently blowing in our faces.

One of the first things we notice is that the seats are too small. Apparently they are now making the seats smaller than in our youth. The clerk smiles knowingly and smugly suggests that for the more mature biking enthusiasts they can attach foam padding. There is, of course, an extra charge. My wife chooses the extra padding and is currently riding around on what looks like a bucket seat from a 1967 Buick. I, on the other hand, have decided to save the additional expense and go without the padding. My proctologist has assured me that the tingling in my left buttock should eventually fade away.

Early Saturday morning we prepare for our first cycling adventure. We decide to leave early to insure we'll be back before dark. My wife is to travel in front and carry a fanny pack with suntan lotion, a first aid kit and our medical insurance cards. Her job is to set the pace. My job is to follow behind and criticize. I'll be carrying a backpack filled with: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (for subsistence), energy bars (for endurance), 2 jugs of Gatorade (to replenish our bodily fluids), rain gear (in case of inclement weather), a map and compass (in case we get lost), a flashlight (in case we're lost at night), and signal flares (to assist the search party).

We go over the route one final time. I spread the map out on the kitchen table, pointer in hand. "This is the route we'll be taking, so pay close attention. If you have any questions, now is the time to ask."

I carefully review the emergency procedures. "If separated, we will rendezvous either here, at check-point Charlie, or here, at check-point Romeo."

"We've been over this four times already," my wife complains, obviously taking the whole adventure much too lightly and showing no respect for my superior training and experience. After all, I was the one who spent nearly two full years in the Cub Scouts, not her. Fortunately, I understand the seriousness of the task ahead and have taken the necessary precautions.

We're finally ready to put our weeks of training and preparations to use. It's time to venture forth and boldly go where no sane middle-aged man or woman has gone before -- it's time to leave our driveway.

I brief the kids. "Now remember, while we're gone I want one of you to remain by the phone at all times in case we need to call for assistance."

"But you're only going around the block," the kids complain. "The house will be in sight the entire time."

Ah, the innocence of youth. They oversimplify everything.

By: Gary Mosher

We’ve all heard the cliché ‘The grass is always greener in our neighbor’s yard’. What they don’t tell you is that his grass still has to be mowed, watered, weeded, raked and fertilized.

The Buddha was the first to recognize that emotional pain can be just as real and debilitating as physical pain. Through careful observation he determined that people were good at spending time on their physical hygiene, but spent little or no time on mental hygiene. He believed that the key to finding happiness was in relieving one’s emotional suffering and that the best way to reduce this suffering was by controlling our emotions.

Just as a good mother watches where her children go, the wise man watches where his mind goes. One of the harmful emotions that the Buddha taught we need to watch is envy.

Envy is time spent wanting what our neighbor has instead of time spent enjoying what we have. Now it’s true that when used properly envy can be a terrific motivator. The problem is that real envy -- always wanting more and then discovering that more still isn’t enough -- is difficult to control.

The Buddha taught that the way to achieve happiness begins with turning negative thoughts in to positive ones. The successful landscaper knows that for his lawn to thrive it needs to be weeded and fertilized. The person seeking happiness can begin by following his example and weeding out any negative thoughts and then planting positive ones.

Many people believe that happiness is just a winning lottery ticket away, but true happiness is not based on how much we have, but on how little we need. Happiness is accepting, appreciating and enjoying what the world has to offer. True happiness can only be achieved if we spend more time weeding out envious thoughts rather than in trying to match or better our neighbor’s lawn.

Just because an elephant is the biggest doesn’t mean he’s also the best animal in the jungle.

Sometimes it is as simple as taking the time to look back at how far you’ve come instead of always looking ahead to where you want to be. When was the last time you took a moment to pat yourself on the back for the things you have accomplished?

Besides, maybe your neighbor works harder at his yard than you do, or maybe he’s just luckier. Is matching or bettering your neighbor’s accomplishments really that important? We all get to choose how we spend our time.

Stop looking at your neighbor’s yard and start enjoying your own, that’s what it’s there for. Weed out the envy and you’ll find your whole outlook improving. Happy gardening.

Article Source: http://www.articles-galore.com

My wife and I need to exercise more. Every time we leave the house we notice vultures circling overhead in anticipation and now our washing machine is doing that nasty thing where it shrinks our clothes. So, in a moment of pure inspiration and absolutely no intelligent thought whatsoever, we decide to take up mountain biking. We could remember biking as kids and there was nothing to it. We set out to purchase our bikes with the fond memory of a cool breeze gently blowing in our faces.

One of the first things we notice is that the seats are too small. Apparently they are now making the seats smaller than in our youth. The clerk smiles knowingly and smugly suggests that for the more mature biking enthusiasts they can attach foam padding. There is, of course, an extra charge. My wife chooses the extra padding and is currently riding around on what looks like a bucket seat from a 1967 Buick. I, on the other hand, have decided to save the additional expense and go without the padding. My proctologist has assured me that the tingling in my left buttock should eventually fade away.

Early Saturday morning we prepare for our first cycling adventure. We decide to leave early to insure we'll be back before dark. My wife is to travel in front and carry a fanny pack with suntan lotion, a first aid kit and our medical insurance cards. Her job is to set the pace. My job is to follow behind and criticize. I'll be carrying a backpack filled with: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (for subsistence), energy bars (for endurance), 2 jugs of Gatorade (to replenish our bodily fluids), rain gear (in case of inclement weather), a map and compass (in case we get lost), a flashlight (in case we're lost at night), and signal flares (to assist the search party).

We go over the route one final time. I spread the map out on the kitchen table, pointer in hand. "This is the route we'll be taking, so pay close attention. If you have any questions, now is the time to ask."

I carefully review the emergency procedures. "If separated, we will rendezvous either here, at check-point Charlie, or here, at check-point Romeo."

"We've been over this four times already," my wife complains, obviously taking the whole adventure much too lightly and showing no respect for my superior training and experience. After all, I was the one who spent nearly two full years in the Cub Scouts, not her. Fortunately, I understand the seriousness of the task ahead and have taken the necessary precautions.

We're finally ready to put our weeks of training and preparations to use. It's time to venture forth and boldly go where no sane middle-aged man or woman has gone before -- it's time to leave our driveway.

I brief the kids. "Now remember, while we're gone I want one of you to remain by the phone at all times in case we need to call for assistance."

"But you're only going around the block," the kids complain. "The house will be in sight the entire time."

Ah, the innocence of youth. They oversimplify everything.

Funny true stories, Fun Story

Answering Machine
"Jani honey, will you set-up our new answering machine for us?" my mom asked with a sweet smile.
When the answer machines first came out...my parents didn't quite understand how to make the recording and asked me to fix it up for them...well seemed everytime I came over I had to re-record the message for them and finally I said "this is the last time!!! you two need to learn how to do this for yourselves" well they being in their usual hurry....scooted out the door saying "of course dear" and me knowing that the next time I came over I'd have to re-record for them again....decided..this time I to do a funny....talking in my best Mae West voice...I said "Hello there (sounding very very sexy) Chris and Harry can't come to the phone right now.....they're upstairs, ....busy...if you know what I mean! so leave a message..... or...how 'bout you come over sometime"......(really making Mae proud.....butter would have melted in my mouth!)

Its' pretty funny too...cause my mom missed getting the phone one day and when she picked up...the recording had started, so yelling to the caller she says "I'm here..just wait until the recording is complete" (cause she was upstairs and the machine down stairs and it was easier to just wait) so holding on to the phone...she hears...my funny message....when it was completed....she is screaming and saying very unkind things about her daughter...she was so embarrassed and had to explain to the caller that her very mean daughter had done this terrible thing...but the caller couldn't hear her cause the caller was laughing so hard...the caller couldn't hear!...and how do I know all this...cause it was all being recorded after the beep...which was saved for me to hear by my other sister!!!
Well...I never had to make a message for my folks again....now if you call...my sisters voice is on the recording....

Old Hindu legend...

There was once a time when all human beings were gods, but they so abused their divinity that Brahma, the chief god, decided to take it away from them and hide it where it could never be found.

Where to hide their divinity was the question. So Brahma called a council of the gods to help him decide. "Let's bury it deep in the earth," said the gods. But Brahma answered, "No, that will not do because humans will dig into the earth and find it." Then the gods said, "Let's sink it in the deepest ocean." But Brahma said, "No, not there, for they will learn to dive into the ocean and will find it." Then the gods said, "Let's take it to the top of the highest mountain and hide it there." But once again Brahma replied, "No, that will not do either, because they will eventually climb every mountain and once again take up their divinity." Then the gods gave up and said, "We do not know where to hide it, because it seems that there is no place on earth or in the sea that human beings will not eventually reach."

Brahma thought for a long time and then said, "Here is what we will do. We will hide their divinity deep in the center of their own being, for humans will never think to look for it there."

All the gods agreed that this was the perfect hiding place, and the deed was done. And since that time humans have been going up and down the earth, digging, diving, climbing, and exploring--searching for something already within themselves.

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section. The stewardess tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The attendants don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so they get the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot what he said to get her to move.

The copilot replies, "I told her that the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica".

A blonde friend of mine was getting real tired of hearing blonde jokes, so she decided to do something about it. In order to prove that not all blondes were stupid, she spent a couple of days studying a United States map and memorized all the capitals for all the states.

The next time she was with a group of people, someone started telling a blonde joke. "Hey," she said, "Not all blondes are stupid and I can prove it. Give the name of any state and I'll tell you it's capital."

So someone called out "Vermont".

"V," she replied with a smile.

A Few Laughs on Getting Older


When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.

No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."

Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."


An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.

It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . please advise."

The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."


A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.

They hear a faint moan.

They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies.

Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"


When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.

I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."

I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"

She said, "I can't remember where I live!"


Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her.

For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

Brownies
Many parents are hard pressed to explain to their youth why some music, movies, books, and magazines are not acceptable material for them to bring into the home or to listen to or see.

One parent came up with an original idea that is hard to refute. The father listened to all the reasons his children gave for wanting to see a particular "R" Rated movie. It had their favorite actors. Everyone else was seeing it. Even church members said it was great. It was only rated "R" because of the suggestion of sex...they never really showed it. The language was pretty good...the Lord's name was only used in vain three times in the whole movie. The teens did admit there was a scene where a building and a bunch of people were blown up, but the violence was just the normal stuff. It wasn't too bad.

Even if there were a few minor things, the special effects were fabulous and the plot was action packed. However, even with all the justifications the teens made for the "R" rating, the father still wouldn't give in. He didn't even give his children a satisfactory explanation for saying, "No." He just said, "No!"

A little later on that evening the father asked his teens if they would like some brownies he had baked. He explained that he'd taken the family's favorite recipe and added a little something new. The children asked what it was. The father calmly replied that he had added dog poop.

However, he quickly assured them, it was only a little bit. All other ingredients were gourmet quality and he had taken great care to bake the brownies at the precise temperature for the exact time. He was sure the brownies would be superb.

Even with their father's promise that the brownies were of almost perfect quality, the teens would not take any. The father acted surprised. After all, it was only one small part that was causing them to be so stubborn. He was certain they would hardly notice it. Still the teens held firm and would not try the brownies.

The father then told his children how the movie they wanted to see was just like the brownies. Our minds are tricking us into believing that just a little bit of evil won't matter. But, the truth is even a little bit of poop makes the difference between a great treat and something disgusting and totally unacceptable. The father went on to explain that even though the movie industry would have us believe that most of today's movies are acceptable fare for adults and youth, they are not.

Now when this father's children want to do something or see something they should not, the father merely asks them if they would like some of his special brownies . . . and they never ask about that activity again.

See more :www.short-funny-stories.com

Children of the Eighties

We are the children of the Eighties. We are not the first "lost generation" nor today's lost generation; in fact, we think we know just where we stand - or are discovering it as we speak.

We are the ones who played with Lego Building Blocks when they were just building blocks and gave Malibu Barbie crewcuts with safety scissors that never really cut.We collected Garbage Pail Kids and Cabbage Patch Kids and My LittlePonies and Hot Wheels and He-Man action figures and thought She-Ra looked just a little bit like I would when I was a woman.

Big Wheels and bicycles with streamers were the way to go, and sidewalk chalk was all you needed to build a city. Imagination was the key. It made the Ewok Treehouse big enough for you to be Luke and the kitchen table and an old sheet dark enough to be a tent in the forest. Your world was the backyard and it was all you needed. With your pink portable tape player, Debbie Gibson sang back up to you and everyone wanted a skirt like the Material Girl and a glove like Michael Jackson's.

Today, we are the ones who sing along with Bruce Stringsteen and The Bangles perfectly and have no idea why. We recite lines with the Ghostbusters and still look to The Goonies for a great adventure. We flip through T.V. stations and stop at The A Team and Knight Rider and Fame and laugh with The Cosby Show and Family Ties and Punky Brewster and what you talkin' 'bout Willis? We hold strong affections for The Muppets and The Gummy Bears and why did they take the Snorks off the air? After school specials were only about cigarettes and step-families, the Polka Dot Door was nothing like Barney, and aren't the Power Rangers just Voltron reincarnated?

We are the ones who still read Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys, the Bobsey Twins, Beverly Clearly and Judy Blume, Richard Scary and the Electric Company. Friendship bracelets were ties you couldn't break and friendship pins went on shoes - preferably hightop Velcro Reeboks - and pegged jeans were in, as were Units belts and layered socks and jean jackets and jams and charm necklaces and side pony tails and just tails. Rave was a girl's best friend; braces with colored rubberbands made you cool.

The backdoor was always open and Mom served only red Kool-Aid to the neighborhood kids- never drank New Coke. Entertainment was cheap and lasted for hours. All you needed to be a princess was high heels and an apron; the Sit'n'Spin always made you dizzy but never made you stop; Pogoballs were dangerous weapons and Chinese Jump Ropes never failed to trip someone. In your Underoos you were Wonder Woman or Spider Man or R2D2 and in your treehouse you were king. In the Eighties, nothing was wrong. Did you know the president was shot?

Star Wars was not only a movie. Did you ever play in a bomb shelter? Did you see the Challenger explode or feed the homeless man? We forgot Vietnam and watched Tiananman's Square on CNN and bought pieces of the Berlin Wall at the store. AIDS was not the number one killer in the United States. We didn't start the fire, Billy Joel. In the Eighties, we redefined the American Dream, and those years defined us.

We are the generation in between strife and facing strife and not turning our backs. The Eighties may have made us idealistic, but it's that idealism that will push us and be passed on to our children - the first children of the twenty-first century. Never forget: We are the children of the Eighties.

Criminal Lawyers Award

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued...and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.


See more :www.short-funny-stories.com

Einstein's Chauffer

This is a true life anecdote about Albert Einstein, and his theory of relativity.

After having propounded his famous theorY, Albert Einstein would tour the various Universities in the United States, delivering lectures wherever he went. He was always accompanied by his faithful chauffer, Harry, who would attend each of these lectures while seated in the back row! One fine day, after Einstein had finished a lecture and was coming out of the auditorium into his vehicle, Harry addresses him and says, "Professor Einstein, I've heard your lecture on Relativity so many times, that if I were ever given the opportunity, I would be able to deliver it to perfection myself!"

"Very well," replied Einstein, "I'm going to Dartmouth next week. They don't know me there. You can deliver the lecture as Einstein, and I'll take your place as Harry!"

And so it went to be... Harry delivered the lecture to perfection, without a word out of place, while Einstein sat in the back row playing "chauffer", and enjoying a snooze for a change.

Just as Harry was descending from the podium, however, one of the research assistants intercepted him, and began to ask him a question on the theory of relativity.... one that involved a lot of complex calculations and equations. Harry replied to the assistant "The answer to this question is very simple! In fact, it's so simple, that I'm going to let my chauffer answer it!"